Money is more than just numbers in a bank account—it’s deeply tied to our emotions, security, and overall well-being. Our relationship with money is shaped by early experiences in our family of origin, as discussed in The Millionaire Mindset book. Growing up in different socioeconomic backgrounds (low to high SES) influences the financial schemas we develop, impacting how we manage and feel about money as adults.
The Three Attachment Styles of Money
Much like attachment styles in relationships, people develop different relationships with money:
Anxious Attachment to Money – Constantly checking bank accounts, feeling stressed about spending, and worrying about financial security.
Avoidant Attachment to Money – Ignoring financial statements, avoiding budgets, and dismissing conversations about money.
Secure Attachment to Money – Feeling confident in financial decisions, maintaining a balanced approach to saving and spending, and having open discussions about money.
The Impact on Couples: The Saver vs. The Spender Dynamic
Couples often come from different financial backgrounds and may develop opposing money habits. It’s common for one partner to be a saver while the other is a spender, which can create tension in the relationship. Because money is closely tied to feelings of security and emotional well-being, financial disagreements can lead to deeper conflicts beyond just dollars and cents.
If one partner anxiously checks their account multiple times a day while the other refuses to look at bills, misunderstandings and frustration can arise. Without open communication, these financial habits can lead to recurring arguments and even resentment over time.
Why Talking About Money Matters
No couple can evade financial conversations forever. Understanding each other’s financial upbringing, habits, and emotional triggers around money is crucial to building a strong and secure relationship. Having open and honest discussions about finances can prevent conflicts and strengthen your bond as a couple.
How Therapy Can Help Couples Navigate Financial Conflicts
While our practice, Big Valley Therapy, does not provide financial advice, we can help couples navigate the emotional and relational aspects of money discussions. Therapy can provide a safe space to:
Explore each partner’s money story and financial upbringing.
Identify negative interaction cycles around money disagreements.
Improve communication and develop mutual understanding.
Create financial goals that align with both partners’ values.
Money doesn’t have to be a source of conflict in your relationship. By understanding your relationship with money and working together, you and your partner can create a healthier financial future—both emotionally and practically.
If financial stress is impacting your relationship, therapy can help facilitate the conversation and provide tools to improve communication and connection. Reach out to Big Valley Therapy today to start the conversation.
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