Sexual compulsive behaviors, such as excessive porn use or infidelity, often stem from a deeper issue: objectification. When individuals view others as mere objects of desire rather than whole human beings with thoughts, emotions, and lives, it fuels a cycle of shame, secrecy, and compulsive behavior. However, true recovery is not just about abstaining from harmful behaviors—it’s about healing from the mindset that drives them.
The Danger of Self-Shaming
A common yet unproductive response to intrusive thoughts of attraction is self-criticism. Many individuals struggling with sexual compulsivity beat themselves up for experiencing attraction in passing. However, this shame only deepens their sense of isolation and fuels the very behaviors they are trying to overcome. Instead of suppressing these thoughts or punishing oneself, a healthier approach involves recognizing them without judgment and actively reframing them.
Reframing Attraction: Humanization Over Objectification
Rather than seeing others as mere objects of desire, individuals in recovery can train themselves to humanize those around them. A practical way to do this is by shifting thought patterns:
Instead of fixating on someone’s physical appearance, acknowledge their humanity by thinking, “She must be a great mother” or “She must be deeply loved by her family.”
Recognize that every person has thoughts, feelings, and experiences beyond what meets the eye.
Redirect mental energy from objectification to appreciation of the full person.
This shift allows individuals to separate romantic or sexual attraction from meaningful, everyday interactions, fostering healthier relationships and a more grounded perspective.
Understanding Green vs. Pink Chakra Energies
In chakra energy work, different colors represent various aspects of love and connection. Understanding the difference between green and pink energy can help individuals struggling with objectification:
Green Energy (Heart Chakra): Represents balanced, compassionate, and giving love. This is the energy we want to extend to all people—kindness, respect, and appreciation without romantic or sexual attachment.
Pink Energy: Represents deep, nurturing, and unconditional love. This energy should be reserved for a significant other, as it fosters deep emotional intimacy and connection.
By consciously directing green energy toward the world and reserving pink energy for a committed relationship, individuals can establish clearer emotional and relational boundaries.
Does Sexual Behavior Bring You Closer or Create Distance?
A crucial consideration for individuals and couples navigating sexual compulsivity is determining whether their sexual behaviors foster connection or lead to isolation. For example, compulsive pornography use can sometimes create emotional distance, reducing a person’s ability to connect deeply with their partner. Feeling isolated often means emanating less green energy toward others, making genuine connection more difficult.
Each individual and couple will have differing views on how pornography fits into their relationship. Some couples may choose to engage with pornography together as a form of sexual education or enhancement, which can be a connecting experience. Others, however, may view pornography in isolation, leading to secrecy and disconnection. The key question to ask is: Does this behavior align with my values—such as connection, intimacy, and authenticity?
Applying This Mindset Online and In-Person
One of the challenges in today’s digital age is extending this perspective beyond face-to-face interactions. Social media, explicit content, and even casual scrolling can reinforce objectification habits. Recovery involves:
Actively reframing online interactions just as one would in person.
Recognizing that people on screens are also real individuals with lives, struggles, and emotions.
Practicing mindfulness in digital consumption to prevent reinforcing old patterns of objectification.
True Recovery: Healing Beyond Abstinence
Real healing from sexual compulsivity is not just about stopping harmful behaviors—it’s about fundamentally shifting one’s perspective. Abstaining from pornography or infidelity without addressing the underlying issue of objectification is like treating a symptom without addressing the disease. True recovery involves:
Recognizing the root cause: Understanding that objectification fuels compulsive behaviors.
Practicing daily redirection: Consistently shifting thought patterns toward humanization and respect.
Cultivating emotional awareness: Learning to differentiate between green and pink energy in relationships.
Aligning behavior with values: Assessing whether sexual behaviors contribute to connection or isolation.
Healing is a journey that requires daily effort, self-compassion, and a commitment to seeing others—and oneself—as whole, valuable beings. By focusing on this deeper transformation, individuals can achieve true freedom and fulfillment beyond mere sobriety.
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