Emotions are not just a modern phenomenon. From the time of our nomadic ancestors to today’s fast-paced world, emotions have been essential for survival and adaptation. Take anxiety, for example. In the past, it would alert our ancestors to potential danger, like the need to flee from a wild animal. Today, emotions still play a crucial role, helping us navigate our lives, interactions, and choices.
The Purpose of Emotions
Every emotion has a purpose. They act as internal signals that guide us toward actions aligned with our needs and safety. Fear might warn us of danger, anger signals when our boundaries are being crossed, and sadness often highlights a need for healing or support. While emotions may feel uncomfortable, they are not inherently “bad.” In fact, they are vital in providing insight into our experiences and surroundings.
The Socialization of Emotions
As we grow, we are often taught that certain emotions are “good” or “bad.” For example, anger and sadness are often labeled as negative, while joy and excitement are seen as positive. This socialization can lead to emotional suppression and shame, making it harder for us to process and express our feelings in healthy ways. The truth is, emotions are not inherently good or bad—they simply exist as part of the human experience. By reframing our perspective, we can learn to appreciate all emotions as valuable and necessary.
The Three Assumptions of Emotions
Understanding emotions comes down to a few key assumptions:
- Emotions matter – They are central to human experience and decision-making.
- Emotions are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – Emotions are signals that offer insight into our needs and experiences.
- You choose how to respond to your emotions – While emotions arise instinctively, we have control over how we respond to them (Morgan, 2021).
Emotions Are Instinctual and Uncontrollable
A fundamental truth about emotions is that we cannot control what we feel, but we can control how we respond. Emotions often arise instinctively in a split second. Think of getting cut off in traffic—feelings of frustration or anger might flare up before we even realize what’s happening. While some argue that we have some control over our emotions, particularly those shaped by thoughts, primary emotions are more instinctual and happen naturally.
Applying These Principles to Loneliness
By understanding these principles, we can approach our emotions with more clarity and self-compassion. Take loneliness as an example. Applying the three assumptions to loneliness can help us understand the following:
- Purpose: Loneliness is a signal that we need more connection or social interaction.
- Neutrality: Loneliness is neither good nor bad—it’s just an emotion that signals discomfort.
- Control: While we can’t control when we feel lonely, we can control how we respond. This might involve reaching out to someone, engaging in self-care, or seeking new social opportunities.
Emotions and the Human Experience
Ultimately, emotions are an essential part of the human experience. They’re not flaws to fix but important aspects of our nature that help us grow and become more self-aware. As humanistic psychologists like Carl Rogers (1961, 1981) and Virginia Satir (1991) believed, humans have an inherent drive for growth and goodness. By embracing our emotions—rather than resisting or judging them—we allow ourselves to move toward healing, connection, and fulfillment.
Final Thoughts
When we shift our understanding of emotions from something to control or judge to something to understand and work with, we create a healthier relationship with our feelings. Emotions aren’t obstacles—they are guides that lead us to greater self-awareness and personal growth. Rather than suppressing or seeing emotions as weaknesses, we can learn to listen to them, harness their wisdom, and make empowered choices in our lives.
At Big Valley Therapy, we believe in cultivating growth in every valley of life, including the emotional one. If you’re struggling to understand or process your emotions, we’re here to help. Let us guide you toward greater insight, self-compassion, and actionable strategies for well-being.
No responses yet