What is True Confidence?
Many people believe that confidence means having everything figured out or having reached a final destination. While this is partially true, real confidence—one of the Eight Cs of Self—does not mean having perfect knowledge or feeling like you’ve “made it.” Instead, confidence means having clarity of mind and a roadmap for where you’re going. It involves taking actionable steps to move forward, even when the path feels uncertain.
For individuals in recovery from sexual compulsive behaviors, confidence can often feel out of reach. They may believe they lack confidence, but what this often means is that they feel powerless, victimized, and unable to take control of their journey. This passive mindset can keep them stuck, reinforcing a cycle of inaction and self-doubt.
The Importance of Direction in Recovery
A life of recovery requires a forward-moving direction. Without a clear sense of where you’re going, it’s easy to feel lost, hopeless, and overwhelmed by setbacks. Many individuals struggling with addiction express a sense of stagnation:
“I haven’t seen the light of day forever.”
“I feel stuck.”
“When I try to change, I experience even more temptation.”
These thoughts can lead to resistance and discouragement. However, true confidence is built over time by consistently choosing to take action, rather than remaining in a passive state of suffering.
Building Confidence Through Action
Confidence is not something you either have or don’t have—it is something you develop through repeated action. Every time you choose to act instead of being acted upon, you strengthen your ability to move forward. Consider the following steps to build confidence in your recovery:
Reframe Setbacks – A relapse does not define you. Instead of wallowing in guilt, view setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow.
Take Small, Intentional Steps – Progress isn’t about giant leaps; it’s about making consistent, meaningful choices each day.
Develop a Roadmap – Create a clear plan for your recovery, outlining actionable steps that help you stay on course.
Build a Support System – Surround yourself with people who uplift and support your journey.
Practice Self-Compassion – Confidence grows when you treat yourself with kindness rather than shame.
Seek Therapy for Guidance and Empowerment – Therapy can help individuals build confidence by providing support, tools, and strategies to overcome obstacles. A therapist can help reframe negative beliefs, develop coping skills, and empower individuals to take control of their recovery journey.
Remember That Practice Makes Permanent – The more you commit to taking positive actions, the more ingrained and natural they become. Consistency in choosing recovery and confidence-building behaviors solidifies lasting change.
The Power of Choice
Recovery—and confidence—always comes down to a choice. Every day, you have the power to decide whether to remain in a cycle of despair or to get up, reassess, and keep moving forward. Confidence is not about having all the answers; it’s about believing in your ability to take the next step, no matter how small.
As you continue on your journey, remember: confidence is not about perfection. It is about direction. Choose to act. Choose to move forward. Choose confidence.
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